House of God

With my time off, I recently started rereading Samuel Shem's House of God (must read for any medical type that hasn't read it yet). A novel about an intern learning the truth about how things work in the hospital. It has a lot of dark humor in it, but there's a lot that (even as a med student), I could tell is based on a grain of truth. For example, the type of patients you see at the hospital. You'd think that they'd be a cross-section of the population, but they aren't. I assume it's because those with repeat hospitalizations aren't exactly your average Joes. Upon meeting the patient who hides under the covers whenever his discharge is discussed or the patient that wants to keep his rectal tube in because he's too lazy to get out of bed to go to the bathroom, I was immediately reminded of the characters in the book. I wouldn't like to get to the point where I think about my patients as GOMERS or follow the Fat Man's Laws, but at least some of my experiences with medicine so far say that I may have to face days where it'll get close.

Here are the Fat Man's Laws (courtesy of Wikipedia):

1. GOMERS DON’T DIE.
2. GOMERS GO TO GROUND.
3. AT A CARDIAC ARREST, THE FIRST PROCEDURE IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN PULSE.
4. THE PATIENT IS THE ONE WITH THE DISEASE.
5. PLACEMENT COMES FIRST.
6. THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14G NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM.
7. AGE + BUN = LASIX DOSE.
8. THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.
9. THE ONLY GOOD ADMISSION IS A DEAD ADMISSION.
10. IF YOU DON’T TAKE A TEMPERATURE, YOU CAN’T FIND A FEVER.
11. SHOW ME A BMS (Best Medical Student, a student at the Best Medical School) WHO ONLY TRIPLES MY WORK AND I WILL KISS HIS FEET.
12. IF THE RADIOLOGY RESIDENT AND THE MEDICAL STUDENT BOTH SEE A LESION ON THE CHEST X-RAY, THERE CAN BE NO LESION THERE.
13. THE DELIVERY OF GOOD MEDICAL CARE IS TO DO AS MUCH NOTHING AS POSSIBLE.

I would really like to think that #12 isn't true.